Chapter 925: Chapter 925: Another Lively Day at Home
Boli Lingmeng indeed deserves her reputation as the only one in history who could be deified under the title of city management—take this statement seriously if you will. In any case, she caught Shime Maru Wen, who should’ve been very adept at escaping, with remarkable efficiency. Not only did she apprehend the suspect, but she also managed to destroy the criminal’s tools and confiscated all the stolen goods. If this reckless Red and White Witch (considering that she’s now 2P, perhaps we should call her Blue and White... Hmm, better stick with Red and White) could stop at this point, she would undoubtedly have done a great job. I might even happily give her a few days off and a two-level salary raise or something, but unfortunately... if Lingmeng wasn’t reckless, she wouldn’t be Lingmeng.
Under the temptation of ten times the salary, this shameless person completed her work far beyond expectations: she even delivered all the confiscated newspapers straight to my home!
"Such sensational headlines, Ah Jun."
Big Sister held a newspaper with a half-smiling, half-not expression while looking over here. Though her voice sounded gentle and calm, anyone with any emotional intelligence above a table leg shivered at this moment. Qianqian was studying the annotations below the full-page color photos, and I worried that this girl might destroy world peace momentarily. Miss Lin didn’t have a newspaper, but she somehow found a kitchen knife; knowing it was a joke didn’t prevent me from breaking into a cold sweat. Anwina was flashing and darting around the pile of newspaper, suddenly drifting over to ask hesitantly, "Master, are you eloping? Should Anwina prepare some essentials for the journey? Food, change of clothes, blankets, bedding... Um, can Anwina join the master during the elopement? It would be convenient to have a maid."
No, you better continue studying how to lay eggs. One day, our family will enjoy fresh spicy baked eggs.
Apart from these treasures, the youngsters at home and freeloaders also each took a few newspapers from the pile to study. Pandora and Visca were uncharacteristically not fighting, even harmoniously sitting shoulder to shoulder reading the same newspaper. If not for the contents of the newspaper, I would’ve wanted to snap a photo of this angel-like twin sisters. Mercury Lamp, due to her size, couldn’t unfold the newspaper—actually, it’s because even arms fully extended couldn’t flatten it. So she spread the newspaper on the ground and laid down on it earnestly to read. Dingdang jumped around on a photo of Sandora and me, occasionally making comments that no one paid attention to. Even the footpad and fridge (Chiruno had returned) each took a newspaper to look at. Yakumo Lan wrapped herself tightly with her tail, seemingly considering whether to maintain some distance from a fickle-minded lecher. Chiruno, the usually skittish little fairy, was remarkably calm when facing this explosive news: she couldn’t read.
Fortunately, the Divine Clan Tiaozi Five weren’t home temporarily, or Bingdisi’s big mouth would have probably started shouting right now.
"Alright, alright, could it be you all took this seriously?"
Faced with a room full of ladies throwing varying subtle glances at Sandora and me, I could hardly bear it anymore, waving my hands hurriedly to say, "Do you people still believe Guan Xiwen’s news?"
"Tsk, surrendered so quickly, really not playing along," Miss Lin was the first to express dissatisfaction with a disdainful sound, "but this Miss is still unhappy, just letting you know in advance, don’t get me wrong, I’m just mad about you having something fun without inviting me."
Not inviting me on a date made you feel unhappy, why be so circuitous?
Everyone at home generally knew how credible Wenwen’s newspaper was, so from the start, nobody really believed this front-page news. Not believing it was one thing, finding it amusing was another. Clearly, the bunch at home about to grow mushrooms thought they found a rare chance to have some fun, using this grossly inaccurate news to mock Sandora and me. After all, although the headlines and annotations on the paper were made up, the photos Wenwen took were genuine—the two people’s clingy closeness could be seen from miles away.
"Alright, alright, stop looking, tidy up these things and deal with them, after all, spreading such fabricated news isn’t great." After pondering the drama for quite some time, Big Sister finally took action, having everyone clean up the newspapers. As expected, everyone cooperated well, with only one Ice Fairy slightly protesting because she considered the newspapers her precious treasure and made a fuss when others took them. Unable to do anything else, I gave her a few sheets of waste paper to rip apart on her own, which turned out to work wonders. The silly fairy obediently went to the corner to tear pages. Everyone praised me for my handling experience, taking me five minutes to realize they meant someone had already become an expert in raising a child...
As for a certain reckless Witch who was more trouble than worth, even with her thick nerves, she realized she might have made a slight mistake by now. By the time I remembered her, she was long gone.
By the way, she also took away the already tightly bound Shime Maru Wen.
"So, how should we deal with these things?"
Big Sister pointed to the pile of newspapers in the middle of the room, waving a finger, "Lingmeng dumped them all here."
I glanced around, silently handing a fork to Sandora: "Want some tomato ketchup?"
Sandora didn’t even take the fork: "No worries, this can be eaten plain."
Everyone: "..."
Having an infinitely capacious trash bin at home certainly comes in handy, doesn’t it? Just, why does it feel like there’s a guilty conscience rising...
Sandora’s ability in eating really is unparalleled. Even though this girl had devoured four-fifths of Little Xi Dessert Shop’s stock less than two hours ago, by noon she could still sweep clean the dining table and even eat a whole table of newspapers. This time, the dishes at home were spared. Sandora unprecedentedly indicated there’s no need for dessert after this meal.
Qianqian was still busying herself with her XLTV; apparently, the excitement wouldn’t diminish anytime soon. It’s said that she’s already approved several educational editions including the Human Education Edition, Ghost Education Edition, Beastman Education Edition, and Fetal Education Edition. Clearly, Qianqian’s impression of educational channel categories vastly differs from normal worldviews. I had to painstakingly convince her to exclude the Religious Edition from the Educational Channel. She’s recruiting large numbers of professional journalists, hosts, directors, entertainment experts, and talents potentially needed in various media. Looking at Qianqian’s substantial recruitment plans, I felt this girl seemed quite professional this time, at least she didn’t mess up the sequence of hiring before executing planning, but there’s one thing I’m quite curious about—why did she also recruit an entire fleet of Federation Navy for the Entertainment Channel...
"Here’s the thing, planning on filming a movie," Qianqian explained cheerfully, "it’s about humans bravely outsmarting and fighting evil alien invaders. First, round up leading actors from number one to ten thousand, then borrow some misshapen Abominations from Sylvanas to play alien invaders."
...Using a real army to shoot a war film, I instantly felt that this might be a massive production with unprecedented impact. Is Qianqian, who often acts as the mascot at home, finally planning on making a splash?
This thought persisted for a few minutes before collapsing when I saw Qianqian’s script because I found it hard to comprehend how if evil alien invaders get defeated within the first five minutes of the movie, what the remaining hundreds of thousands of Federation Army would do in the following one hundred ten minutes...
Qianqian had an explanation for this too: "They should have something to perform, just wait till I have time to improvise a bit more content. If I can’t manage it, it can serve as a military advertisement—plus, having so many actors, merely displaying the actor list might take some time!"
In Qianqian’s worldview, actor lists must be detailed and earnest. I think I understand why she recruited ten thousand Federation soldiers...
It’s hard to say whether Qianqian’s film will ever be shot because under Big Sister’s scrutiny, the child’s overly extravagant ideas will presumably be shot down, yet there’s also a chance Big Sister occasionally reveals some belly-blackness—oh well, I can’t control it, let them do what they will. Besides, those ten thousand Federation Navy personnel would definitely be delighted to unexpectedly gain such a prolonged Empire-area vacation, considering it a reward granted to use servants who fought for the Empire.
Lilina didn’t mix in this fun event this time. She has been with Dingdang these past few days, and the two have mysteriously locked themselves in their room researching some very suspicious things. Sometimes they go to Shadow City and stay inside the World Tree Temple for most of the day. I have no idea what fun they’re up to. I think Dingdang might be preparing for the next Creation Science makeup exam because there were reports recently of cosmic fuzzy balls and pink Cerberus sightings near the World Tree Temple. It’s hard to say whether these weird, new creatures were jointly created by Lilina and Dingdang.
"Whoosh—", a flapping sound echoed as a small black-and-white figure swished past near the ceiling and then settled comfortably on the dangling chandelier in the living room, swinging back and forth. It turned out to be Mercury Lamp. Thankfully, we have a diligent Ghost Maid at home, keeping even places like the chandelier top, which typically no one bothers to clean regularly, spotless. Otherwise, Mercury Lamp’s reckless action sure would have made the living room messy again. I waved my hand upward, and the little doll, looking visibly impatient, quickly descended. Her expression was so misleading.
The little one’s cheerful today; you can even occasionally see her mouth curve into a slight smile—a rare sight for this usually ill-mannered doll, making it hard not to wonder if she achieved a significant victory in her recent battles with Lilina.
I can’t quite remember when exactly this irascible doll girl became so obedient. I only know that now Mercury Lamp, though still cold-faced and short-tempered, has become one of the cute Loli members of the household and is more obedient by several levels compared to Lilina. I lifted the tiny doll girl off my shoulder, holding her under her arms, and raised her high: "What’s up? In such a good mood today?"
Mercury Lamp immediately flew into a rage, fiercely prying my arms apart while trying hard to turn her head to bite, constantly making threatening sounds like an enraged kitten. It was indeed amusing each time; this fellow completely loses composure whenever lifted high.
"Put me down! You rude guy! How many times do I have to say! Stop treating people like little kids! Damn... bastard, damn it, idiot! Are we done yet!" Although the doll girl is quite strong, she’s obviously no match compared to some people. So she resorted to cursing and flailing punches and kicks at the air. I was incredibly amused, feeling my previously foul mood brought by a certain Tengu Girl and reckless Red and White instantly lifted, and started jiggling the little doll up and down: "A doll should act like a doll!"
"Who are you calling a doll! Who said anything about being a doll! Nobody said anything about being a doll!" Mercury Lamp nearly jumped up and down, strenuously twisting my arms, "I’m the noble Rose Maiden, don’t mix such high-level dolls with low-level things like dolls! How many times do I have to say, stop suddenly lifting me high like a lunatic!"
"Haha, is there really a difference, you can still be a pillow either way." I’m thoroughly entertained by this trademark three-part rant of the little girl, also recalling this guy’s amusing habit of voluntarily becoming a pillow seeking leniency whenever causing trouble. Yet... as soon as I uttered that sentence, the surrounding atmosphere seemed off.
"Snap," a sound reminiscent of something snapping, and the Rose Maiden in my hand suddenly spread her wings: "You stupid human are way too awful, argh!!"
Oops, teased her too far.
Three minutes later, I sat on the remnants of the sofa, picking chicken feathers off myself, with the still furious doll girl on my shoulder, who used the guise of helping pick feathers to yank on my hair. Honestly curious, despite being genuinely mad, why does this girl still sit on her adversary’s shoulder?
"One reaps what one sows—this blockhead is purely too bored these days." Miss Lin commented, summarizing our father-son-like interaction with high precision.
"Turns out Zhenhong and the others are coming over to hang out," I raised one shoulder Mercury Lamp sat on, "Well, you haven’t seen them in over a month, must be pretty happy, right?"
"Who’s happy, let those little girls come if they want." Mercury Lamp kicked me indignantly, "Tomorrow, I’m taking them to see Titan Mercury Lamp, you don’t object, right?"
Showing off is a sin for kids—by the way, does the several hundred-year-old Chairman Shui still count as a kid?
"While you were out, Miss Zhenhong and several other Rose Maidens came over looking for you a few times," Anwina came over and whispered, "They left some letters after finding Mercury Lamp wasn’t home."
Hearing this, I beamed, turns out it’s like this. No wonder I’d seen Mercury Lamp sneakily reading something the past couple of days, figured it was letters from her sisters. Once mortal enemies, now so harmonious, it’s quite surprising. I also wonder what kind of letters the Rose Maidens wrote to their older sister.
Speaking of which, it’s still hard to imagine how Mercury Lamp, who struggles to independently write a long letter, feels seeing those scribbles.
Just as I was having a father-daughter heartwarming conversation with Mercury Lamp (just pretend you believe it), suddenly a frantic scream of a girl echoed not far away, drawing everyone’s attention in the living room over: "Wahh! No, someone save me!"
I turned around in shock, and the scene in front of me made me burst out laughing. The voice came from Chiruno. This dunce somehow provoked Little Baobao, who was playing puzzles with Ji Shanshan, sparking Little Baobao’s interest. Now she was clinging to Chiruno’s back, fiercely biting the top of one of her ice wings, refusing to let go. Chiruno couldn’t hit or shake her off, while frantically jumping around and exclaiming, Little Baobao was unfazed by these tactics. Being one of the Steel Tooth Squad in the household alongside Dingdang and Mercury Lamp, and even more so the leader, Little Baobao’s bite force was extraordinary. Despite being tossed around in the air due to Chiruno’s jumping, Little Baobao showed no sign of letting go, the two of them locked in a tussle.
And the nanny Ji Shanshan, who should’ve been the first to intervene and pull Little Baobao away, not only didn’t step forward to stop it but instead cheered excitedly at the mischief of the mischievous juvenile host, enjoying herself immensely. She even took out a shield and a sword from the King’s Treasury and started singing ancient Sumerian war songs...
She finally saw another unlucky soul besides herself being teased by the Little Princess, so ecstatic she nearly forgot herself: normally at home, Little Baobao is a happy-go-lucky with a combat power less than 5, practically anyone can tease her, and she won’t get annoyed at all. However, only she, Ji Shanshan, the fabled ancient queen, became Little Baobao’s personal playmate, pillow, nanny maid, and mobile bottle. Not only does she have to accommodate carefully but also provide shiny toys whenever the Little Princess demands, an injustice that big. Now seeing Chiruno caught up like her in those days, how could she not be pleased?
This effect is akin to being caught cheating in an exam, upon being called to the office, you lift your eyes and see your buddy behind you getting scolded too like a grandson, suddenly feeling balanced: although you may not be saved, at least you know there’s another one who’s as unsalvageable as you...
"Save me! Save me! Boo-hoo, I’m very strong! You don’t bully me!" Chiruno ran around scared, because Xyrin Host’s defense component instinctively suppresses excessive energy near the body, she couldn’t even blow cold air, let alone resist. Ultimately, she even started crying from the biting, "Boo-hoo, I want to go home! I want to go home..."
I’m positive that the bite on her ice wing isn’t actually painful, she’s purely terrified: she thinks Little Baobao intends to eat her.
"If I were you, I’d just give her the wing," feeling pity for Chiruno, I couldn’t help but step forward and pat her head, "That thing is shiny, Little Baobao won’t let go of it."
"Just the wing, and she won’t eat me?" Chiruno tearfully glanced at me, then turned to look at Little Baobao who was gnawing on the ice wing, hurriedly shivering her shoulder to drop all three pairs of ice crystals. Little Baobao immediately hugged the pile of spoils and ran back, even handing one ice crystal to Ji Shanshan: "Goo yah!"
Is this a token of gratitude to a comrade? (To be continued. If you like this work, you’re welcome to visit Qidian () to vote for recommendations and monthly votes. Your support is the greatest motivation for me.)