Chapter 985: Chapter 985: On the Necessity of Using Nuclear Bunkers When Naughty Kids Fight
I believe I have once again overestimated the Divine Race’s reliability in terms of time perception: Father God had previously said he only wanted to wander around for a bit longer, but in fact, he came back three days later.
Should I be grateful that he returned before the next millennium gala?
"Actually, I went to a deeper place, though, of course, I should not have left this universe," Father God explained to me upon his return on the third day morning, "mainly to accurately measure whether the information mutation of this world is ’uniform,’ and the conclusion was the same as previously guessed. Additionally, I discovered an interesting phenomenon: The worlds influenced by two Void Creatures seem to have different tagging methods, yes, those very subtle information points; the information tags in your world and mine are somewhat different. Next time, if there’s a chance, I’ll have that crazy girl from Huron check her own territory. It might just be the Void Creatures’ identification number—oh right, it’s called an ID number, isn’t it?"
I am deeply amazed by Father God’s understanding of this world; he even knows about the ID cards used by Earthlings.
"Mainly because I saw many offering ID processing services at the long-distance bus station at the time," Father God said, "It left a strong impression on me."
Me: "..."
Early this morning, Little Baobao was taken for a check-up by her mom. These past two days, the mother and daughter (does this sentence sound awkward?) have been practically inseparable. After discovering that Little Baobao might be a completely new type of host, Bubbles hasn’t dared to let her daughter run around, fearing she might bump into something. Although she used to spoil Little Baobao in every way possible, she is now excessively doting to a bizarre extent. She’s also been spirited, walking as if trying to observe the sun with her nostrils. Only then did I fully believe Sandora’s words; for quite a long period before, Bubbles had a hidden pressure—that her daughter might have some intellectual issues. Now, this stress has turned into motivation: Little Baobao’s mind isn’t the problem, it’s just the structure that’s different—from a child with disabilities directly ascending to Hua Luogeng’s level. So, for the past couple of days, Little Baobao’s mom has been glowing with maternal shine 24 hours a day, looking so radiant she could replace a wall lamp. Although I don’t want to admit it, I have to say, that one-meter-one otaku girl does seem to have the mindset of a mother, a mindset that cannot be easily replicated by someone without children. Plus, it’s heard that Bubbles has already tailored a whole revolutionary learning program for her beloved daughter; the original learning plan meant for the regular Mother Machines has been entirely discarded. She even adjusted the entire host network’s work schedule to spare an extra hour to accompany her daughter, aiming to ensure her child doesn’t lose at the starting line—although I really don’t know who Little Baobao, as a unique individual, could lose to, that little girl is indeed fortunate; her life is predestined not to face that tooth-gritting rival: other people’s children.
Because, throughout the entire Empire, there are only two High Order Xyrin Hosts, and the other one is her mom.
Little Baobao herself warmly accepts any of her mom’s arrangements, her emotional development not much faster than that of Earth children; to this day, she maintains a blind obedience to any parental command. When Bubbles tells her to scan the mental core, the little one happily trots to the Core Nest every day, arriving punctually. It’s just pitiful for Sister Jier, being the golden shining girl nanny, she has become accustomed to the Little Princess staying within her sight 24 hours, completely forgetting how much she resisted this position when she first started working. Now, with Little Baobao soaking in the Mother Nest for half a day, Sister Jier wanders around the house tidying up Little Baobao’s toys, her face looking as sorrowful as a newlywed discovering her husband actually loves her second granduncle. If Lu Xun had seen her back then, Xiang Lin might have ended up with Jier’s surname.
However, yesterday afternoon, she seemed to finally find something to divert her attention: fighting with Yakumo Lan.
The reason was a remark from Xiao Xue: Sister Fox is actually a treasure for children; she’ll use her tail as a cradle, take care of little kids, lull them to sleep, and she’s warm to snuggle with. In their childhood, Sister Pao’er, Little Xiaoxue, and Little Xiaoqian’s favorite thing was to crawl into the fox’s tail for sleep and hide-and-seek; Sister Fox is so gentle...
This remark directly pushed the always-peaceful Yakumo Lan to the opposite side of Nanny Shan Shan. Sister Jier felt it necessary to establish one thing before that day arrives: who’s actually more formidable, the nanny or the caretaker...
Actually, I don’t think there’s anything to argue about; Ji Shanshan truly has a knack for being a nanny, no doubt, but do you have Yakumo Lan’s experience? She’s been taking care of Cheng Miao since ages ago, not to mention a perpetually seventeen-year-old hands-off master. In this era where everything demands work experience, Ji Shanshan, do you really need to compete with her?
Speaking of Yakumo Lan’s carefree master, the forever seventeen-year-old working girl, I remembered something: given the current situation, unless Zi quickly comes over to build rapport, she’s going to turn into an ex-master. Various signs show that Fox Fairy Lan is rapidly regressing into a big domestic fox dog under some kind of Halo’s influence, and this process might be irreversible: she has already learned to dig holes in the yard to bury things and fight with Cerberus from Avalon, and recently, she has taken a keen interest in big bones...
These two days, we’ve had a group of temporary guests at home, which are the six mass-produced hosts that proved to have noticeable evolution. Bubbles thought that since they had such delightful changes, as their mother, she should make some gestures, so she invited them to play at home for a few days. As their emotions are still lacking, most of the time they sit obediently on the sofa, watching TV with the adults. If Little Baobao comes by to talk to them, they play games together; otherwise, they sit idly, like a group of exquisite dolls that don’t know how to think. This reminds me of Pandora when she first arrived at our home, but Bubbles confidently told me that these mass-produced hosts are very happy. Hidden deep in their eyes is wonder and joy, especially when they’re with me, it’s more obvious. I also noticed that the mass production unit called XL28 particularly likes being around me. When sitting together, the little one even sways her body back and forth and sings in her head... Okay, this is what Bubbles told me. I’m very curious about what kind of personality gets so absorbed that even singing is done by silent recitation...
A group of mass-produced Little Baobaos at home should have a very low presence, but sometimes quantity changes lead to quality changes—especially when there’s already a bunch of little ones piled up at home. Starting yesterday morning, Mercury Lamp and her sisters began teasing the mass production units. Initially, it seemed like Cui Xingshi started it (it’s hard to think of anyone else for such instigation and mischief). Then it became uncontrollable, and now as soon as you enter the room, you’re greeted by a bustling scene of more than ten little girls walking, sitting, chatting, and playing. I feel that with just one less kindergarten teacher, I could dive into the early childhood education career...
However, this commotion probably won’t last much longer. Tomorrow, Zhenhong and the other Rose Maidens are heading home. They have stayed here quite a while this time, enchanted by the various wondrous things of Shadow City and the Princess Castle in the suburbs. Especially the latter, which fully satisfied Mercury Lamp’s flaunting mentality and Zhenhong’s noble ambiance. I wonder if the spoiled Rose Maidens will become a disaster for Sakurada Jun when they return home. What if Zhenhong asks him for a robot as big as Mercury Lamp’s? The Titan Mercury Lamp is over a hundred meters tall...
I’m not sure if having too many kids at home is a common situation; the children occupy the entire living room and any item in the rooms that can be entertained (including the chandelier, and Little Baobao is playing with it). So you can only pass on the great task of taking care of the children to your wife while you escape to take a break outside in bitterness. Anyway, that’s my situation now; those startling little ones suddenly made a commotion just now, provoked by someone stealing someone else’s toy or tampering with someone else’s soda. Then fights broke out, sister, Lin Xue, Anwina, and Ji Shanshan are maintaining order inside. The disastrous part is the presence of eccentrics like Bingdisi and Qianqian among the naughty kids, acting like catalysts. The place is already boiling over, so I can only run to the yard to find peace. Fortunately, we have a yard, and luckily the weather is nice today. Having warm sunshine in the late autumn is a rare treat.
Dingdang’s newly cultivated lawn has completely filled every patch of empty land in the yard. These soft and clean plants are carefully regulated; they can grow mature in just one day, stay green for thirty years, effectively purify the air, improve soil quality, resist bacteria and insects, and even promote blood circulation. And the three-leaf ones have the taste of cumin beef, while the four-leaf ones taste like rich coffee, milk, vanilla ice cream. This lawn could be considered the peak of Dingdang’s lack of common sense in style works. The little one devoted all her intelligence to studying these peculiar and unexamined things. I moved a stool to sit on the lawn in front of the house, basking in the midday sun, gazing at the sky, sipping some tea, taking a glance at Wenwen Daily. I heard the faint noise of adults calling children to make a ruckus from inside the house, feeling like a retired old cadre. A tickling sensation came from my feet, as a furry, dazzling golden tail playfully brushed back and forth on my foot, gently wafting with a scent of shower gel.
"Hey, Fox, don’t you feel you’ve already regressed to a fairly serious degree?"
I tilted my head and asked. The fox girl was on a patch of grass next to me, lying comfortably on a small mat that only accommodates one person, occasionally yawning in the sunlight. In front of the mat were two plates, one with fried tofu, and one with bone cookies. Those long big tails spread out to bask in the sun, one of them wrapped around my leg, while the other eight tails swung aimlessly, occasionally vanquishing a stalwart flying fly in this late autumn season or pulling grass around to its mouth, flexibly like hands.
... What kind of breed did I raise this fox to become?
"I’m Yakumo Lan, not a fox," the fox lazily glanced at me, continuing to use her tail to pull grass, "I think it’s pretty nice, it’s the same when I’m with Lord Zi."
"Eating dog food and digging holes in the yard?" My sight inevitably drifted to the plate of bone cookies on the lawn, okay, doggie cookies appearing are not strange, but the miraculous part is that this plate of cookies was asked from Sandora by Lan, that’s the unspeakable thing—you mean Queen secretly eats dog food on normal days?
"These aren’t dog food, they just look very similar," the fox grabbed a cookie and threw it up, "it’s delicious. Dog food is a bit fishy, eating too much makes your mouth dry, and it doesn’t sustain hunger like these."
Me: "..." What an incredible amount of information!
"Sandora told me."
Me: "..." Geez, what an overwhelming amount of terrifying information!
"They always say that the Fantasy Country is laid-back to an outrageous extent, and from the looks of you, it’s true." I casually pinched those furry ears, resulting in her nine tails spinning like wind and fire wheels behind her back: "You have to say something before you pinch ears! Otherwise, it gives me goosebumps!"
"How long do you think those little rascals will keep up the chaos?" I glanced back at the living room window, where the Mercury Lamp had set up a Fire God Cannon, while Chu Mei was behind pushing the ammo chain, with Cui Xingshi commanding fire—together, they were sweeping the living room with a barrage. Ever since Bingdisi, that wild one, set up the Divine Blessing at home, these little troublemakers have gone completely wild. I even caught Lilina sneaking two plastic bombs next to the grandfather clock!
Of course, without those, I’m afraid they wouldn’t really break through Cui Xingshi’s defense, as that little doll somehow found a WWII tank turret standing there, causing chaos with each shot fired.
Alright, it’s a brutal scene, and this whole fiasco started because Lilina snatched the last bottle of yogurt from Mercury Lamp, accidentally tripping Little Baobao in the process, resulting in a three-sided battle. With so many kids, chaos easily ensues, and they started brawling like a Superhuman family. Right after, Bingdisi got involved, throwing a Goddess Blessing over the house to let the kids play freely... and so, Little Baobao’s crafting a light missile launch pad marked the beginning of this whole debacle—leaving me to grab the fox and flee.
"Routine, in a different sense of the word." The fox said wistfully.
A steel cable extended from the second-floor balcony, with the sound of "crash crash," as Zhenhong slid down the cable to toss a fragmentation hand grenade into the living room. Just as she began climbing back up, a gunshot sounded, and the XL34 poking its head out of another window severed the cable.
I stroked the fox’s tail: "Having Bingdisi babysit was the biggest mistake of my life, bar none."
With a "bang," Bubbles crashed out through the window, spinning out an RPG before launching it back inside, filling the place with smoke and chaos once more.
"An even bigger mistake is you left Qianqian alone in the room," the fox agreed deeply.
The explosion sound of an anti-tank mine echoed nearby, with Mercury Lamp and several doll girls, sporting WWII steel helmets, soot-covered, scrambling out of the window like they’d been wandering Rio de Janeiro for three months—continually coughing as they formed a temporary alliance in the yard, assembling anti-tank battery and defensive structures with materials taken from Mercury Lamp’s personal space.
...Holy crap, do you really need to be this crazy over some yogurt?!
Yakumo Lan cautiously tucked her tails into a bundle, leaving just her head exposed: "Hey, if you keep ignoring me, I’m gonna bite! I haven’t settled for the last time you burned my fur!"
I shrugged, stood up, and plucked Mercury Lamp from the anti-tank cannon, giving her a sharp flick on the forehead, then grabbed a megaphone to shout into the house: "Quiet! Haven’t you had enough of this ruckus?!"
The gunfire and explosions inside finally ceased, with Qianqian peering out the window wearing a steel helmet, chuckling foolishly, while Bingdisi shouted loudly: "It’s fine! It’s fine! I have the Blessing active, at most you’ll get some soot on your face—you’ve got to adopt a lively educational method, my old man said a warrior’s offspring’s first toy should be a sword, and I feel your daughter should at least meet the War God’s standard..."
Are you saying if Xiao Xue is born, it’s best she cradles an RPG? Lin Xue would definitely kill me!
A bunch of nearly insane little creatures were herded back to line up, wash their hands and faces, looking as grubby as Super Mario after crawling through pipes, with adults supervising to prevent some mischievous little girls from playing water fights. Mercury Lamp wobbling on my shoulder, dirty and reeking of gunpowder, finally settled down as I held her in front of the sink to wash her face.
Xiao Xue sneakily approached: "Dad, don’t be mad, this is going to become the norm, growing up in this environment. Empire family kids, playing with gunpowder weapons is like human kids playing with wooden swords and plastic blades, right?"
While holding Mercury Lamp’s head to wash the little doll’s face, I shot this girl a sideways glance: "But that doesn’t mean you can set up an RPG-107 on the dining table!"
Xiao Xue switched to a spiritual link, privately chatting: "Zhenhong and the others are heading home, let Sister Deng go wild a bit."
I glanced around at these naughty kids, smoke rising from their bodies, faces covered in charcoal, some still with helmets, even draped in ammo belts or lightweight missiles. In the past ten minutes, they engaged a full-scale home bombing, all in the name of fun... Despite Bingdisi’s Goddess Blessing, cleaning up the shell casings everywhere was still a massive chore. I’ve genuinely felt that fostering these chaotic little beings is surely defying the heavens.
And what state of mind do I adopt to narrate all this everyday life with the tone I’m using?
After spending a good while cleaning up the dirty girls, Big Sister gathered them in two rows in the living room for family education; her policy was this: Playing is okay, even going overboard is alright, as long as nothing goes wrong, adults won’t interfere while you’re playing, but once you’ve had enough play, it’s time for a reckoning.
Judging by the densely packed shell casings on the floor, this will be quite the reckoning.
Qianqian started squatting to collect shell casings, apparently planning to make some strange little trinket, when Sandora suddenly walked over: "Ah Jun, Taville submitted a report, you’d better take a look."
"What’s it about?" I wiped my hands, accepting the data terminal Sandora handed over, displaying a large lump of semi-molten metal, which took me half a minute to recognize as the wreckage dredged from Father God’s basement, and alongside the image of the wreckage was a text report updating with my gaze, "Oh, discovered a device like a black box within the wreckage recording... events after the deep-diving ship departed the Abyss Domain?! Hey, wait, what’s this?!" (To be continued. If you enjoy this work, welcome to to vote or cast monthly tickets, your support is my biggest motivation.)
```