Chapter 391: Chapter 379 Longing
Fengyu looked at him, his brows furrowed in grievance. Xie Xun was still young; even though his life had been rich in experience, full of ups and downs, he carried the spirited air of a young man. When his brows were furrowed in sadness, it was always enough to melt hearts. Aside from the stone-hearted Second Young Master, others were easily fooled, swayed by him. Fengyu was no exception. She knew full well that Xie Xun was stubborn and bound to face his own consequences; she knew he sincerely admitted fault, yet she also knew he would never truly regret. And still... Fengyu couldn’t help but soften toward him.
This was an unsolvable problem!
Xie Xun was the type whose apologies were heartfelt. Yet his strong will meant that, when making choices, he would never consider the punishments his errors might bring — he simply followed his own heart. No matter how angry she became, it was useless. It wasn’t that Xie Xun was obstinately unrepentant, but rather... it was his nature.
A heart full of fearless bravery, wholly earnest and pure.
This was his nature, and it could not be changed!
Even if she made things difficult for him, even if she told him to jump into the icy waters of the Bei River, he wouldn’t hesitate for even a moment to do it. But if the same choice presented itself again, would Xie Xun listen and obey?
He wouldn’t!
Fengyu felt an ache in her heart, a tender hurt. Unconsciously, she placed her hand on his back. What could be done? The only way was to find a way to break free from the control of the Soul Suppressing Pearl. Then he wouldn’t act so recklessly anymore. In this life, everyone carried their own destiny.
The two of them didn’t speak further, but instead held each other in silent embrace.
New Year’s Eve.
This particular New Year’s Eve felt unusual. Their boat was sailing down the river, with fierce winds howling and heavy snow falling. The river’s surface surged in waves, making the boat rock unsteadily. Fengyu felt uneasy from the swaying, spending the entire day confined to the cabin. Though it was the new year, the boat’s accommodations were modest. Xie Xun had only briefly drunk with his men and exchanged auspicious words before returning to the cabin to keep Fengyu company.
Chunlu left tactfully, and Xie Xun brought in a jar of wine.
Several dishes were already laid out in the cabin. Fengyu waited for him to join her for their meal. Though her anger had subsided, she had barely spoken to him in these past two days. Xie Xun, knowing he was at fault, was exceptionally attentive — piling food onto her plate and pouring her wine.
Fengyu had been feeling low in spirits for the entire day. She missed home!
She missed her grandmother. She missed her sister.
Fengyu said, "On past New Year’s Eves, our house would be bustling. Grandmother would invite a shadow puppet troupe to perform at home. Chunlu and Qiuxiang would play instruments or dance. Grandmother would hand out red envelopes to us younger generations and wish us safety and peace in the coming year. If my sister were home, she would make countless lanterns for me. This is my first New Year not spent at home—Grandmother must be missing me dearly. My sister is all alone in the cold mountain; I don’t know if Father can bring her home to celebrate the new year together with us."
Xie Xun silently sipped his wine as his little lady, with reddened eyes, spoke of her longing for home.
She had been away from home for half a year, braving hardships and dangers. She had nearly lost her life in Yangzhou, and during her unconscious days, she murmured to him in delirium — calling for Grandmother, calling for Sister — and tearfully said how she missed them.
She was born into a wealthy and noble family, meant to be pampered and cherished. If not for that ill-fated marriage proposal, the Feng sisters would have lived prosperous and stable lives. With their temperaments, whether marrying into prestigious families as mistresses or taking a husband to inherit their family’s legacy, they would have been well off. But now? One guarded mourning at Xiangguo Temple, and the other followed him in rebellion, their futures uncertain.
The wine’s burn was sharp and bitter against his tongue. Xie Xun thought to himself: he truly owed his girl an apology.
"You... how did you spend New Year’s in the past?" Fengyu asked gently.
Xie Xun put down his wine cup, his gaze growing empty. He seldom thought of those moments of familial joy anymore — it hurt too much! The more he remembered, the more he hated; and the more immersed he became in nostalgia’s warmth, the colder and lonelier his present felt. He refused to let hatred erode him. Yet when night fell, his dreams took him back to the Marquis Mansion’s dining table, to the plum blossom grove, to those hollow yet familiar courtyards. He even dreamt of that terrifying painting Third Miss had hung in his room.
"Before I went to the battlefield, when the wars weren’t so pressing, Father brought Older Brother back every year for New Year’s. Those were my favorite New Year’s celebrations. Mother and Aunt Mudan would cook themselves, making countless delicious dishes. To this day, I can’t believe Aunt Mudan was actually the Sannan Princess—her culinary skills were incredible; her pastries were even better than those from Wangjiang Building, with more variety. At our feasts, nothing was off the table. Father loved wine and always challenged Older Brother to drinking contests. Older Brother usually couldn’t beat him, so he’d pull me in to help. One time, Father and I both ended up drunk—I climbed onto his shoulders and set his hair on fire, nearly burning his head, and scared the life out of Mother. The next morning, I got quite the beating and was banned from drinking for a year. Oh, you should’ve seen him with his shaved head—it was hilarious."
Fengyu: "..."
Xie Xun laughed and laughed, until his eyes turned red. Fengyu held him close, letting him rest his head on her shoulder. With a hoarse voice, Xie Xun said, "After dinner, Father used to take Mother and the aunts to visit the lake and watch the lanterns, but forbid us brothers from tagging along. Older Brother would take us to set off fireworks, wander the streets, and have fun. One year, he even brought us to watch acrobatics. But he thought acrobatics were boring and ended up donning a mask to perform, dragging Second Brother along. I deliberately pulled off their masks, angering Second Brother enough to try to hit me. He couldn’t win, so he called Fang Chuning over to punish me. In the dead of winter, they kicked me straight into the lake. Honestly... so petty. All because their acrobatics act got laughed at. He wanted to play but didn’t want the embarrassment. Older Brother had a forgiving temper, though—no matter how much I messed with him, he never got mad at me."
Fengyu smiled, brushing her fingers across his face, and felt the wetness of his tears. She didn’t say a word, only quietly kept him company. Xie Xun murmured, "I wonder if they’re happy over there, celebrating the new year, and if they miss me... and Second Brother."