Xo_Xie

Chapter 209: If Only You Came

Chapter 209: If Only You Came


The courtroom was dead silent. The air seemed heavier than usual, weighed down by the words Lydia had just thrown into it like fire. Ivan stood in the center, his eyes fixed on the door through which she had disappeared. His chest tightened. Rage, shame, and guilt fought inside him like a storm. He could feel the heat rising to his face, the tension coiling in his fists.


Without thinking, he stepped forward, moving quickly through the rows of stunned senators. Every whisper and gasp seemed to blur around him. He did not care. He had to find her. He could not leave her hurting like this, not when the walls of the capital echoed with her cries, not when he knew the weight of her sorrow.


The moment he left, the courtroom erupted in murmurs. Whispers of disbelief and gossip cut through the tense silence that had been holding the room together.


Olga chuckled softly, her eyes glinting with amusement. "Looks like things are getting interesting," she said.


Elena turned to Alexander, her voice breaking. "Poor Lydia... why does she have to suffer so much?" Soft sobs shook her shoulders as she spoke. Alexander looked pale, unable to find words, his hands gripping the edge of his chair.


Anna’s heart ached at the thought of Lydia’s suffering. Without another word, she rose and hurried out of the room, determined to find her friend.


Meanwhile, Ivan moved swiftly through the palace halls. The polished floors reflected the dim torchlight as he rounded corners, his eyes searching. There, just ahead, he saw her. Lydia was leaning against the stairs, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Her hair fell in loose waves over her face, partially hiding the tears that glimmered in the candlelight.


"Ivan," she whispered, barely audible, her voice trembling.


He rushed to her side. "Lydia. Are you okay?" His hands reached out instinctively, but she shoved them away.


"Do not touch me!" she snapped, her voice sharp and bitter. The shaking in her body intensified, and her eyes burned with a mixture of rage, betrayal, and pain.


Ivan froze, keeping his hands to himself, giving her space.


"Am I okay?" she said, her voice breaking with anger and grief. "Tell me, what do you think? That I am fine? That I am okay after what you did to me? After how you hurt me? How can I be fine?"


Ivan said nothing.


"Speak!" she demanded, her voice rising. "I am talking to you. What right do you have? You were defending me earlier. Who gave you that right? Who gave you that right after everything you have done?"


He remained silent, his chest tight, his throat aching with the words he wanted desperately to say but could not.


"How could you, Ivan?" she continued, tears streaming freely now. "How could you do that to me? How could you throw me away like I was nothing? I... I was the only one who stood by your side. Who trusted you, believed in you, loved you, when everyone else hated you. And yet... how could you abandon me?"


He wanted to speak, to explain, to tell her that he had never abandoned her. But the words lodged in his throat, bitter and impossible to release.


"Do you know how hard it was for me?" Lydia continued, her voice trembling with fury and heartbreak. "Do you know that I waited for you every day? Every day! I wrote to you, hoping you would forgive me. I was scared. I was lonely. I thought I had wronged you. You made me believe I was a horrible person, that I did not deserve forgiveness because of the deal I made with someone who hurt you. But the truth is... I never hurt you. I never wanted to. I begged her majesty that I did not want to."


Her voice cracked as she gasped for breath, every word trembling with pain.


"But still... you left me. You left me and our baby. You did not care. Not when I sent hundreds of letters begging you to forgive me. Begging you not to leave me and our child. You did not care. You even said you did not think it was your child! How... how could you?"


Her hands shook violently as she pressed them to his chest. "Do you know the worst part?" she cried. "Even after all that, I still believed you would come. I waited, hoping it was all a bad dream. I was too scared to even give him a name because I just wanted you to be with me. But you never came. Our baby died... because of you. Everything is because of you!"


She slammed her fists against him, screaming, crying, and shaking. Ivan did not stop her. He did not pull her into his arms. He could not. He was shattered inside, torn between the truth he could not speak and the sight of her pain.


"I am sorry," he whispered softly, his voice barely audible. That word, so simple yet so heavy, made Lydia stop mid-scream.


Tears poured freely down her face. "I regret everything," she said, her voice raw and trembling. "Loving you. Marrying you. I should have left you that night in the woods. Then... maybe... maybe I would have been happier. I should never have met you."


Without another word, she turned and walked away, moving slowly up the stairs. Each step was heavy, each breath ragged. Ivan could not follow. Her words felt like daggers in his chest, piercing deeper than anything he had ever known. He stumbled back, his own tears blurring his vision. Anna watched from afar, her heart aching for both of them.


Lydia made it to the top of the stairs but could not go further. She sank to the floor, her body curling into itself, sobs wracking her entire frame. Every muscle in her body trembled. Every heartbeat screamed with the grief of a mother who had lost her child, a wife who had been abandoned, a woman betrayed by the man she loved most.


Ivan remained at the bottom of the stairs, his chest tight, his hands trembling, unable to move. He wanted to tell her everything, to explain that he had never abandoned her, that he never received her letters, that he wasn’t the one who sent that cruel letter to her, that he came. But the words would not come. Each syllable felt like a knife cutting into the only person he had ever loved.


He stood frozen, grief and longing clawing at his heart, watching her break. Every sob, every tear, every shudder tore through him. He wanted to take her into his arms, to tell her she was everything to him, to beg her forgiveness, to tell her that their love, their life, had not ended. But the moment he tried to speak, the memory of the past three years, the silence, the misunderstandings, and the grief of their lost son held his voice hostage.


Lydia’s sobs filled the stairwell, echoing like a mournful song. Ivan’s heart ached with every sound. He knew that right now, she hated him. She blamed him. She did not know the truth. And yet, even in her rage, even in her heartbreak, he saw the woman he loved more than anything, standing raw and human before him.


Time seemed to freeze. Ivan closed his eyes, the ache in his chest growing unbearable. He wanted to call her name, to beg her to look at him, to see the truth in his eyes. But he could not.


All he could do was watch as she cried, the woman he loved, the mother of his child, unraveling in front of him. And in that silence, in that shared pain, a truth lingered between them. Their love had survived everything, even death and betrayal, even years of separation. But it was buried under grief, under anger, under words unspoken.


And Ivan knew, with every fiber of his being, that nothing would ever be the same again.