Chapter 410: A kiss that leads to something_Part 1
Rav blinked twice as he stared at the lady who had just pushed herself away from the door and walked into his room without his permission. Did she just say she would be spending the night in his room, when he had been trying his very best to avoid her or even be anywhere near her?
For the days since their return, Rav had made sure that whatever brought them together was strictly work and nothing personal, as he didn’t like the fact that he was warming up to her and breaking the promises he had made to himself.
He had hoped to put a great distance between them and let his life return to normal again, without lying awake at night thinking about how her eyes sparkled whenever she laughed, or how good it had felt holding her close and swaying to the music back in Aragonia. Or even how good it was to receive her care.
"You sleep on the floor?"
Her question broke through his thoughts and snapped him back to his senses. Rav swirled around to see her standing next to the bedding he had been making on the floor before he had felt her presence and heard her knock.
"Yes, I like it better on the floor," he replied, and then added quickly, "You can’t sleep in my room, my lady."
Evenly turned from the bedding on the floor to look at him with a clueless frown. "Then we should go to mine," she said simply. "It doesn’t matter, I just need your company beside me. Look, it’s raining outside and I can’t sleep or be alone." She gestured toward the window with her chin, hoping he wouldn’t turn her down.
To be honest, it wasn’t even a thunderstorm, just a regular Nightbrook rain, where the thunder wasn’t as harsh as she feared. But she simply wanted to experience another night not being alone, not buried under thoughts of a future she didn’t understand or know where it was heading. And, if she was being honest with herself, another reason lingered quietly in her heart, a longing to be close to this man she had once hated, yet didn’t even realize when she had begun wanting to be near him.
"No, I can’t sleep in your room, and neither can you in mine, my lady," Rav said, his tone controlled but polite. "We are no longer pretend couples here and have no reason to share a—"
"I’m scared of thunder. That’s a reason to share a room. We’ve done it before, remember?" She interjected quickly, cutting him off, but he acted like he hadn’t heard her and continued to speak.
"It is inappropriate for a man and woman to share a bed without a marriage bound between them," he said steadily. "If you want company, you can go to Lady Belle, she will gladly keep you company for the night." Rav bowed his head respectfully, though his chest tightened as he said the words.
Evenly stared at his bowed head with clear displeasure in her eyes, and that displeasure deepened when she noticed he wasn’t wearing the nightwears she had once chosen for him. Instead, he wore a faded pair of trousers and a plain shirt. Everything she had picked for him in Aragonia had been placed away in another room, and she had noticed that long ago but said nothing about it, and she said nothing about the nightwear now either.
"Didn’t I tell you that I don’t care about my reputation, since I have none? And didn’t I tell you to stop bowing to me like that and—"
"Please, my lady," Rav interrupted gently but firmly. "You have to leave. I can’t share a bed nor a room with you anymore. You are a lady, and I am your servant. There should never be anything between us. Don’t make it any harder for me... your presence is a burden to me and my life. Don’t come to my room again."
His tone was calm, almost too calm, and he wished she would just leave him be before he gave in to that dangerous part of himself that didn’t actually mind sharing the room with her. It was wrong, absolutely wrong, and he knew he had to draw a clear line between them, to make her never come to him again whenever it rained. But even though he had no intention of hurting her, his words had done exactly that.
"Why?" Evenly asked quietly, looking at him from across the room where she stood by the bedding and he by the door. She didn’t wait for his reply as she continued, "Am I so hard to be around or even befriend, Rav, that you always push me away when all I wanted was a friend? No, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. I will leave you alone. I am sorry for being a burden to you," she whispered and moved to walk to the door, holding back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes at the thought that she was probably suffocating him with her presence.
’You are suffocating me, Evenly! You are too clingy and unreasonable!’ The voice of her former husband saying those words played in her head as she walked to the door. ’I am sick and tired of you. I don’t know what I saw in you that made me marry you!’
It was time she actually learned to take lessons from life and stop chasing after men, who don’t want her. One had already broken and hurt her, and now she was stupid enough to want to be close to another, one who probably found her bothersome as well.
So much for being determined to never be swayed by another man. She had just almost made the mistake of trusting another one enough to run to him for protection. Stupid, Evenly, you are so stupid! she scolded herself.
A tear spilled from her eyes as she walked past Rav toward the door, but before she could reach for the knob, she stopped when his hand shot out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. She tried to jerk her arm away, but he held her firmly and said,
"I... I didn’t mean to hurt you."
"You didn’t hurt me. It’s not you, it’s me. I am sorry for bothering you. I will leave if you let go of my arm, and I will never disturb you ever again. I get it, the friendship and closeness we had in Aragonia was only to make our act believable. It’s my fault if I let myself believe you were my friend, someone I could run to anytime..." she said in a quiet voice, trying to hide the shakiness in it, embarrassed by how foolish she felt.
Rav knew he should let her go and that she wouldn’t ever bother him again or try to start a casual or friendly conversation with him whenever she saw him. His heart and mind would be at peace, and yet... the sight of the tears and hurt he caught on her face unsettled him deeply. He didn’t want to hurt her. She was the first woman to ever do things for him willingly and move his heart in a way even his late wife hadn’t. Though it might have started as an act, his heart had taken it genuinely, which was his own mistakes not hers.
"Don’t go. You can sleep here," he told her, pulling her gently back into the room. She didn’t fight him and kept her face averted as he guided her to the bed, placing his hands softly on her shoulders to ease her into sitting down.
"I will sleep beside you until the rain stops," he told her softly, hoping her eyes would brighten and her tears would dry. When she didn’t look at him and kept her head down, Rav went down on his knees in front of her and didn’t think twice before using his hand to wipe her cheeks clean of tears.