Chapter 336: Wife’s comfort_Part 2
Evenly offered Belle a look of relief with a small smile when Angel stopped struggling to get down from her arms, and then she muttered, "Good morning."
Belle returned the smile and replied, "Good morning," before turning her eyes toward her husband, who, to her surprise, had not sat in the seat she had predicted. She knew he was the kind who disliked changes, and once he picked a spot, he would stick to it, but now he had actually moved away.
Immediately, she sensed something wasn’t right with him even before he looked at her. When he finally lifted his eyes, there was a blank, almost dead look in them. Belle felt a tight knot form in her chest as she realized something was troubling him.
He looked away before she could read further into his gaze, lowering his head to stare sightlessly at the food on the table, his expression distant and lost. The sight made Belle ache to go to him and ask what was wrong and what put him in this mood.
Collecting herself, Belle instead took the tray of blood from a trembling maid, choosing to serve it herself. She placed one cup each in front of Rav and Evenly, who both thanked her politely. Then, on second thought, she poured an extra cup for her son, who was watching her with wide eyes filled with longing. Afterward, she carried Rohan’s cup to him.
Since her parents and sister had not yet come down to eat, as they waited until the vampires were served their blood, Belle took the opportunity to move closer to her husband than was necessary as she placed his cup down. Leaning in, she whispered softly, "Are you all right?" Her warm breath brushed against his ear, and his eyes lifted to hers.
They stared at each other, Belle’s gaze curious and deeply concerned, while his tried to maintain its blankness yet still looked troubled.
He didn’t answer her question. Instead, he reached out under the table, pulled her hand into his, and gripped it gently, squeezing it.
Rohan wished in his mind that he could let her hold him, hoping that maybe then he might feel a little better than he did now.
He had never known he had the power to let himself carry the mirrored emotions of another person until last night. It had struck him even harder because he also shared a mind link with that person.
He was never the kind of man to avoid anyone, but since morning, he had been deliberately trying to avoid Rav, even shutting his mind link whenever the other man tried to reach him, as he didn’t want to fall back into the state he had fallen the night before.
Feelings were great, but feeling such deep guilt and pain for another person wasn’t actually what he wanted, especially the self-hate part. He welcomed many parts of his returned emotions, but those were the ones he wished had never come back.
Rav had attempted countless times to reach him today, but Rohan could not bring himself to open it, knowing that the moment he did, he wouldn’t be able to hold it in and would end up confessing his hand in the cause of Rav’s family’s death to get the thing off his head.
He wasn’t the kind who ran away from what he knew was his fault, nor was he used to carrying guilt in his heart. Yet this one was unbearable.
He had weighed the possibility of confessing that he was responsible for Rav’s family’s loss, but he hesitated for many important reasons. One of them was the fact that they were in the land of vampire enemies, where betrayal was always a close call. What if he told Rav, and Rav took it hard, ending up wanting revenge right there and then?
It had taken time, careful time, for him to fully trust Rav with all his heart, and now he might give the loyal man a reason to turn against him. And further, Rav might never forgive him.
Rohan himself knew he would never forgive anyone who so much as harmed his own family, let alone someone who took their lives. That thought alone was unthinkable.
Belle and Angel were more than his life now. He had come to love both of them with everything in him, so much so that he truly understood the meaning of family, the unshakable bond and the need to protect them at all costs. Because of that, he understood Rav’s loss more than ever. And knowing that he was the cause of it wasn’t flattering at all.
Rohan gave his wife’s small hand another squeeze and noticed her gaze shift around the hall, taking in the fact that the servants had all quietly slipped away, leaving only the five of them behind.
Then, without hesitation, she moved closer, using her free hand to gently pull his head forward until it rested against her stomach, her fingers threading through his thick hair with tender familiarity. Silently, he wrapped one strong arm around her waist and pulled her even closer.
Angel, who was watching from across the table, moved restlessly in Evenly’s embrace. His small body leaned forward, his eyes fixed longingly on his parents, wanting nothing more than to be there with them. But his Mama had told him to remain with Evenly, and though he struggled to remain with her when both of them were in front of him, he stayed put because mama had said to.
Belle’s fingers slid deeper into the length of Rohan’s hair, massaging his scalp in soft, soothing circles, her touch gentle.
"It’s not the right time to talk," she whispered into his hair, pressing her lips to his head in a kiss full of quiet reassurance, "but I will wait for you to come to my room. We can talk there about what is troubling you, Rohan." She felt him tighten his hold around her in response.
Rav and Evenly looked everywhere but at the couple as they drank their blood, the awkwardness of being present while the couple showed affection heavy in the air.
To mask it, Rav turned his head toward the lady sitting beside him and reminded her quietly, "Feed the baby his blood. It will keep him content for now."
Evenly nodded and raised the cup of blood to the baby’s lips, and no matter how much Angel’s eyes lingered on his parents, the scent and taste of blood quickly pulled his attention away.
Rav watched as Angel drank deeply, his small throat moving as he swallowed, while Evenly smiled softly at the sight. But in Rav’s chest, a deep stab of pain drove through his heart as he watched his master’s son feed, the image reminding him of his own loss.
Last night, he had thought that talking about his past would finally bring him some peace, that sharing his story would help him look at Angel without being reminded of his own son. But he had been wrong.
He had dreamt of his son’s screams and of the fire. He hadn’t dreamt in a long while, but last night he had. He had woken feeling wrenched and hollowed all over again, his pain freshly carved into his mind, only to be met by the beautiful face of his pretend wife hovering over him. For a moment, he had felt that strange feeling in his heart before he shook it away.
"You were talking in your sleep and whimpering," Evenly had said softly as she moved back to give him space to sit up. "Are you all right?" she asked, her face filled with genuine concern, something he had never once seen from her since the time he had known her.
"Hm." Rav had only hummed, trying to gather his scattered emotions and force them into place.
"Did...did you dream about them? Your family?" she asked gently. "I heard you calling Chris and Alison in your sleep."
Rav hesitated for a long moment before giving a single nod. Since he had told her about his past, he had not hidden his dreams from her as well. There was something about the woman that effected him, which he couldn’t put a finger on yet.
Evenly stared at him in silence, her eyes holding a mixture of pity and guilt, knowing it had been her words that had forced him to open up about his family the night before.
"Does it always haunt you?" she asked quietly.
Rav lifted his gaze to her eyes, eyes that held him and waited for his answer. He said, "What doesn’t haunt us, my lady? I try to live with it and pretend it’s nothing, but sometimes it makes one want to let out their grief and anger on something. Yet the rogues are as good as dead, and wanting to let it out on them for one’s loss might make a man lose his mind as well.
"I wish I had someone but myself to blame for it, and perhaps that might have made it better, or if not fortunate, worse..."
As if realizing he had spoken too much again to the lady, revealing the innermost corners of his thoughts out loud, Rav cleared his throat and looked away from her eyes.
"I understand the feeling of wanting to blame someone. I blamed you for my own misfortune from the moment I regained consciousness in Grimvale. I suppose it is a natural feeling, to want to put the weight on another," Evenly assured him quietly. Her tone was steady, yet filled with a newfound understanding of the man beside her. She was beginning to see him in a different light.
"But blaming only gives pain more power," she continued gently. "It keeps us chained to the very thing we long to be free from. I realized it was not you I hated, it was my own helplessness, my own wounds. And if I can learn to forgive myself, then perhaps you too can find a way to stop carrying your sorrow like a punishment. You’ve already carried enough."
Rav stared into her eyes, their gaze locked together.
"I will leave the room for you to freshen up first, before Angel wakes up," she said softly, breaking the eye lock.
Then she had risen quickly, leaving him behind, thankful that Angel was still sleeping soundly on the bed.
They hadn’t spoken again after that, not even as they dressed in turn. Silence lingered between them until Angel finally woke up crying.
Now, as they tried not to glance at the couple holding each other across the hall, Evenly cleared her throat and asked,
"Do you think it’s all right if, after breakfast, I take Angel out for a short tour? I want to look around Aragonia."
Rav turned to look at her and then replied, "I will have to ask his lordship if it’s all right for you to take the boy out." But his lordship had kept his link shut, and no matter how much Rav tried to reach him, he wasn’t opening it. Rav found it strange, as his master had promised to keep it open at all times in case Angel threw a tantrum and they needed him.
Belle, who allowed her husband to rest against her and hold her, was suddenly freed as he let go and leaned back into his chair. Before she could wonder what had made him pull away, she heard the soft clicks of heels on the floor and instantly knew her parents were coming. Quickly, she jumped back and away from Rohan’s side and carried the tray away.