Chapter 957: Chapter 946: Am I a Bad Woman?
Actually, Xu Rongfei didn’t want to make Ning Fan feel awkward, but if possible, she really wanted to tell Ning Fan all her thoughts. Maybe if she did, Ning Fan wouldn’t be so cold-hearted.
However, what Ning Fan was thinking now, one could tell just by looking at his expression. Saying anything more at this point had lost its meaning. It would only make things harder for both sides, and the worst outcome might even be lowering her impression in Ning Fan’s mind.
“Am I a bad woman?”
Xu Rongfei blinked her eyes, as if they were irritated by sand. She resisted the urge to rub them, fearing that if she did, she might actually start crying.
Ning Fan, upon hearing her, decisively shook his head. A bad woman? Xu Rongfei hadn’t stooped to the level of calling herself that. Such an assessment was far too harsh.
As to how to evaluate Xu Rongfei, Ning Fan could only say that everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness, their own desires and convictions. Ning Fan didn’t feel equipped to judge this; all he could confirm was that Xu Rongfei held no malice toward him.
Today’s confession—she had prepared for it for a long time. But, unfortunately, even so, the ending had already been decided.
“I’m sorry, but we are impossible.”
Ning Fan said coldly, maintaining a polite smile that, in Xu Rongfei’s eyes, felt unbearably painful.
So, if not for today’s events, would they perhaps still have been able to maintain their prior relationship?
Having uttered those words today, how was she supposed to face Ning Fan in the future? That was its own set of problems…
But if they were to maintain that same prior relationship, Xu Rongfei couldn’t accept it. She felt she ought to at least try; the difference between trying and not trying was a significant one.
“But I don’t regret it!”
This was beyond a doubt. Xu Rongfei didn’t want Ning Fan’s sympathy, so she felt the need to make her stance clear to him. In doing so, she wouldn’t seem overly pitiful.
Ning Fan was at a loss for words, instinctively opened his mouth, but in the end swallowed back the words that had reached the tip of his tongue.
“Liking someone isn’t a crime, right?”
Xu Rongfei spoke calmly, her even tone hiding myriad unspeakable feelings.
Listening to Xu Rongfei’s voice, Ning Fan could even sense the sadness about to overflow from her heart.
It may have been cruel to Xu Rongfei, but it was necessary. And so, Ning Fan spoke again at that moment: “Liking someone isn’t a crime, but I… you know, my relationship with Ruolan. My heart already has no room for anyone else.”
Having told Xu Rongfei this so plainly, surely she must have understood by now.
Thinking this, Ning Fan sighed helplessly and looked again at Xu Rongfei’s expression.
He examined her closely, not missing a single detail, only to ascertain how Xu Rongfei was really feeling now.
“Can I continue liking you, then?”
“…”
Ning Fan rubbed his neck, unsure how to respond to her. Continue liking him? Wasn’t that just continuing to suffer?
Knowing full well it was impossible, why insist on putting herself through this?
“This will only hurt you further. Is it really worth it?”
Ning Fan couldn’t help but ask. In his view, things didn’t need to be this way. In fact, Ning Fan wished he could say that it’d be better if Xu Rongfei didn’t like him at all.
“Even if there’s no way for us, can’t I still be allowed to like you?”
Xu Rongfei pleaded earnestly. Her heartfelt sincerity made it impossible for Ning Fan to refuse.
Ning Fan opened his mouth, his mind racing with thoughts. Perhaps this was Xu Rongfei’s stubborn resolve; he really didn’t know how to judge it…
“If you believe this is truly best for you, then so be it. Just know, if a better option arises, I hope you seriously consider it.”
Ning Fan didn’t reject Xu Rongfei, because her heart was hers alone to decide. He had no right to interfere. Forcing Xu Rongfei to stop liking him would serve no purpose; her emotions were ultimately not his to dictate.
Because of this, Ning Fan chose to speak his honest thoughts.
“You liking me—I’m very grateful, but I have nothing to give in return. I can only hope for you to live better in the future. I can’t support you, but if you someday have better options, I’ll support that wholeheartedly. You haven’t betrayed anyone, not even me. I’m simply sorry I can’t reciprocate.”
Having aired all his thoughts, Ning Fan felt much more at ease.
And having heard his words, Xu Rongfei also broke into a relieved smile. In the end, Ning Fan hadn’t outright rejected her.
What Xu Rongfei feared was Ning Fan being merciless enough to forbid her even silently liking him. If that happened, Xu Rongfei would truly be in despair. For her, this sentiment was her sole pillar of support.
Because of Ning Fan, she had found new vitality, but the unfortunate reality was that, henceforth, in her life and her world, Ning Fan might cease to exist.
“Alright, let’s not talk about other things. It’s getting late; I won’t keep you. Can I ask for a hug?”
Xu Rongfei didn’t plan to ask Ning Fan to stay, knowing he didn’t wish to linger longer. Thus, she took the initiative to say it.
But her request put Ning Fan in a dilemma. After thinking it over, he nodded; it wasn’t an excessive request.
“If it’s a friend’s hug, I think that’s fine.”
Yet beforehand, Ning Fan felt compelled to qualify this—it was only a hug between friends, nothing more. He hoped Xu Rongfei wouldn’t read too much into it, and maybe it would help her truly give up on him.
“Yes, that’ll do.”
Xu Rongfei’s expression didn’t change, as though she had already prepared herself for Ning Fan’s hug.
Ning Fan could swear he’d never approached a hug with such solemnity before—so much so that he tidied his collar and composed himself first.
But as Ning Fan stepped forward, Xu Rongfei seemed unable to wait any longer. She directly stepped up to him. When she opened her arms, she didn’t embrace Ning Fan’s back but rather cupped his face with her hands.
Feeling a touch of moisture on his face, Ning Fan froze.
It wasn’t a hug in the end, but a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m sorry, am I being too cunning?”
She said as she turned away, gently wiping something at the corner of her eye.
“It’s alright. I’ll be going now. Goodbye!”